I TOLD YOU
There is a phrase that almost everyone heard in their life… I TOLD YOU. Remember when you were a kid, you run, then you fall down … your leg is hurting, you’re crying and feeling sorry for yourself… and the first thing you hear is :”I told you ! You shouldn't run so fast here…”. And this feels even worse than all the situation with falling down.
It can be even more upsetting, when at first your close one tries to support you, and here you are… almost over the situation, but then… suddenly you hear this annoying phrase: “ I Told You”.
Yes, dad, you told me … and I didn’t listen to you… and I’m facing the consequences now. If people were always listening to wiser ones, they wouldn’t fail… and they wouldn’t receive the most valuable lessons in their life.
But what is so bad about telling the person, that if he grabs a broken wire… he will get hit by electricity.
Especially if you care about this person? This feels very reasonable. Sharing the experience is essential in the development of humans. Human’s speaking skill was developed through sharing knowledge.
I grew up, and realized that there are billions of situations, where you can say :” I told you”. And let’s be honest, sometimes it’s practically impossible not to say so.
For example:
It was a lovely autumn afternoon, my daughter was running in the park… “ Honey, It’s slippery… don’t run so fast “. In a minute, she slips and falls down in the dirt. Her new dress is covered with mud, she is crying.
I’m silent
“ Honey, give me your hand”. She doesn’t listen, tries to run away from me...falls over the rock… falls down, cries .
“ Please, leave the necklace alone”. No reaction, in a minute the necklace is teared apart… all the beads are on the floor..
The next thing I hear is
“DAD, is this why you told me not to do so? ”
Yes, they understand everything. They hear and remember everything you told them ( of course if they’re in that age, when they are capable of understanding the logic). You shouldn’t remind them 100 times. Especially if they’re not old enough to understand what you want from them.
You know, I always remind myself of an example with electricity. What would you do if your 1 y.o will try to put a finger into an electric device? That’s right, you would immediately take him away from the dangerous place. You will definitely won’t spend ages trying to explain why he shouldn’t do this.
For the same reason, when I want to say :”I told you”. I say to MYSELF : Then you should’ve been more persuasive, or you should act immediately. And I’m pretty sure you would’ve if your kid would be jumping on the edge of the cliff. It means that you’ve chosen to give your child an opportunity to receive this experience, make a decision… meet the true life, grow up etc. Maybe in future , they will use their experience and make a conclusion that sometimes mom is right , and it might be a good idea sometimes to listen to her.
In conclusion, I want to wish all the parents, who are reading this to be patient and understanding. It's important for your kids to get experiences... and it's natural for you to be protective when it comes to your little ones. The key here is to find the balance. And to keep your relationships healthy and friendly. I know how hard it can be, sometimes.. but trust me, this is worth it.
I wish you a lovely day and an understanding of your kids.
